What Skiing Teaches Us About Relationships
Written by Black Hot Fire Network on December 25, 2024
It was Christmas Day, and I was 12. Instead of unwrapping presents, I was being carted off the slopes on a stretcher. My turtleneck was bloody, my fragile middle-school self-confidence in tatters. I swore I’d never ski again.
Fear kept me off the slopes—but it also kept me from real relationships. Just as I avoided the risk of falling on skis, I avoided the uncertainty of being vulnerable with others. At parties, in meetings, even with close friends, I stuck to small talk and hid behind clever podcast quotes—too scared to let my true self show.
But I gradually opened up to vulnerability in relationships and, 20 years later, nervously strapped on skis again. When I did, I discovered something unexpected: skiing—and its daredevil cousin, snowboarding—are more than just winter thrills. They can teach us how to show up more fully in our relationships. Here’s how.
1. Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained
Remember your first time on skis? Heart racing, muscles clenched, mind laser-focused on survival. You’ve probably felt that way around people, too—maybe in a room full of strangers, before a big presentation, or during a tough conversation.

Source: Alex Snider
Our instinct is to avoid risk, but as researcher Brené Brown reminds us, playing it safe has its own cost. The bunny slopes may feel comfortable, but they get dull—just like superficial conversations that go nowhere.
Contrast that with sweaty-palm moments—asking someone out, offering an honest apology, or letting your older brother coax you onto a harder ski slope. They hold meaning precisely because they come with risk. As Brown puts it, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
Ski instructors know this truth well. They teach us not to turn uphill toward safety but to keep our bodies facing downhill, straight into the fear. Fear isn’t a sign to bail—it’s proof that something meaningful is at stake. It’s only by leaning into vulnerability—whether it’s owning our imperfection or picking up speed—that we experience the joys of deep connection and the thrill of skiing.
But how do we move through the uncertainty without losing control? That brings us to the next lesson.
2. Trust (and Practice) Your Edges
When I returned to the slopes, I clung to the snowplow. Sure, it works fine on gentle hills, but it’s useless on steeper terrain. To navigate those, I needed a new skill: using my edges. (Also, if you’re here for ski tips, here’s my favorite how-to video.)
Edges give skiers control on steep slopes. Similarly, tools like active listening, curiosity, and even a deep breath give us control in difficult conversations, helping us navigate discomfort without shutting down or rushing to defend.
Yet too often, we fall back on “snowplows”—avoiding tough topics, deflecting with humor, or talking about people behind their backs. Several managers I know avoid hard conversations because they fear things will spiral out of control. In other words, they see the slippery slope but don’t trust their tools to navigate it.
The problem is, you can’t master your edges if you’re stuck relying on the snowplow. Navigating relationships, like skiing, has a learning curve. At first, it’s awkward—you will almost certainly stumble or fall. But as Anders Ericsson’s research on deliberate practice shows, growth requires stepping outside your comfort zone and sticking with it. And that takes patience. Which brings us to our final lesson.
3. Chairlift Moments: The Power of Pausing
Here’s a secret: the best part of skiing might just be the chairlift ride. These quiet pauses between runs let us rest our bodies, reflect, and gain perspective amidst the treetops. They pull us out of the constant doing and striving that defines modern life, giving us a rare chance to appreciate our progress and savor the moment.
In relationships, we often skip these pauses, rushing to resolve conflicts or move past discomfort. But slowing down creates space to process emotions and approach challenges with a clearer mind. In fact, research from the Gottman Institute shows that taking breaks during tense moments can dramatically improve how conflicts are resolved.
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Source: Alex Snider
Stillness allows us to appreciate progress—both ours and theirs. A friend of mine, after years of tense visits with his in-laws, finally asked them to consider therapy. They agreed, but change didn’t happen overnight. What kept him patient were his own “chairlift moments”—pausing to notice the small steps forward and acknowledging his part in improving the relationship.
Lasting change takes time. But there’s solace in showing up, taking risks, and doing the work—even when it’s messy.
Après Après-Ski
If your only goal was to avoid falling, why leave the lodge? But skiing, like life, isn’t about playing it safe—even after a rough experience like I had. The joy of après-ski comes from knowing you put yourself out there, faced your fears, and learned to navigate the mountain a little better.
This season, whether you’re carving double blacks or fumbling with ski boots, remember: the true après-ski happens off the slopes. It’s in our relationships—showing up fully, embracing the risks they require, and improving our tools to connect with others. On skis and in life, the real rewards come when we leave the bunny slopes behind.
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